just why

They think it's okay to talk about you in front of me. They think I'm okay with all the talks they've always talked about you, but I'm just hiding behind my laugh. Trying not to cry while you're laughing is no joke. I'm dying of it.

I'm not good at writing and expressing my feelings into words, but lemme try to get this out. Baby, it has been 75 days and I still can feel those butterflies on my tummy when I'm thinking of you, yet I also can't deny that it hurts to think about you, since you're so far away from me. I wonder if you ever think of me at night, I wonder if you still remember me or not, I wonder if you are okay or not.

The lids of my eyes sometimes get swollen in the morning, every tears wasted. My lungs feel so tight that sometimes, I'm not able to breathe well. If only you knew, how much it still fucking hurts me.

I thought it would be easy, thought that it wouldn't be this painful, this long, this hard. How could things got so far away from my expectation?

p.s: It hurts me more painful than the word painful itself. I miss you, ts.