Say Goodbye! ✌

I'm in tears writing this. That moment was so hard for me to breathe. It's probably the worst thing that ever happened to me. To be honest, I've never cried that hard for a guy. I don't know it's a waste or it's a lesson. All I know is I have to move on. I know that it's not the first time I'm talking about moving on. I don't know that this would work or not but I think this time, I'll make it happen because my heart doesn't want you to be in it any longer. Me too. I don't want you to be a part of my life any longer. I've convinced my heart to let go. I've opened my heart for someone who is worth the fights. You know that I cried for you that moment, but you just didn't care and the fact is there's one name running in your mind right now. I can't say any words. It just hurts me extremely much and I'm just so done with it. She is my friend. I tell her almost everything about him. This is really out of my mind. Beyond my imagination. Far for my expectation. This time, I won't hurt you the way you hurt me like I always do to those who hurt me because I don't wanna be involved in any affairs with you. Like I said, it's all over. I hate you. Goodbye. Thank you for all the pains you gave me, the bad and good memories you gave me, the irreplaceable heartache you gave me. I won't care about you anymore, I won't smile at you anymore, I won't disturb your life anymore. You've got what you want, right? Have fun with that girl. Once more, I hate you. So much.

p.s: I hate your friend so much for underestimating a crying girl.

Everything Has Changed

I've always been able to say no, I don't care. I've always been able to say yes, I don't need him. What seems strange now is everything turns into something different. I'm not brave anymore to walk in front of you nor to look at you. I'm not as brave as I was to talk to you. Everything is completely different from the first time I knew you. The first time I knew you, we talked like we're friends and laughed at each other. Lately, you're not the same person as you were anymore. All of a sudden, you distance yourself from me, you act like you don't know me, you ignore me and you avoid me. That feeling is just like a wound which is sprinkled by salt. I feel like I can't stand this anymore. I really want the old you back. I really want the old us back. I want you to stop avoiding me and talk to me like usual.

The more I'm trying not to look at you when you're there, the more I feel something is pulling my eyes to look at you but I'm not as brave as I was anymore. I can't do it right now. I wanna smash this feeling. I don't want to feel this any longer. Moreover, the fact is you hate me so much. No, baby. You don't need to be worry. I knew it already, a really long time ago before you describe it into words. I know who myself is in front of you. I am nothing. I'm such the dust in a large vast dessert. I've figured it out too.
 
I still have feelings for you. I still love you. I still need you in my life. I do still want you. I still want to see forever with you, but all I know is; forever is just a lie because the old you doesn't exist anymore. He's only a memory to me. What I'm trying to tell you is; if you hate me so much for loving you, I'm sorry for loving you too much with all my heart.


p.s : I'm sorry that I keep acting like I don't know how much you hate me.