Him

He stole my heart and threw it away like it's just a trash. He's not even my type. I don't know how to describe him in words. I love staring at him, but I just can't do that anymore. I always try to look around when he's all I'm looking at. But he doesn't know what hurts me the most.
What he knows is I like him not I love him. He doesn't know that I need him in my life. I mean, I can live without him. Even happier. But I just don't want it to be happened. I can be a bitch sometimes and probably he hates it a lot. I know. I can see it in his eyes, but he doesn't know how much it hurts to keep everything in my heart.
"Just move on." "He's not worth it." they keep telling me about those things.
What they don't know is 'the way.' The way he made me laugh, the way he made me smile, the way he made my day, and the way he haunted me in my dreams. They don't know how to forget our old memories.
Yes, I do want to forget him. No, not because of them but because of him. I've always been saying that almost all of my decision I've made, is because of him.
It hurts trying to stay still. It hurts to pretend like I hate him. It hurts to pretend like I've moved on because actually I can't see anyone else except, him.

I thought, loving him were just a dream.

A dream where I can sleep and I don't get hurt.

But then I found out,

If it's just dream, it wouldn't be this hard to survive.

"The more that I look around, the more I realize, you're all I'm lookin' for."

Hi October

Here's me writing for you, again. I miss you. I miss the old you. The one who doesn't ignore me, the one who doesn't act like a stranger when he looks at me, the one who hasn't changed yet.
If I make you feel burdened because of loving you,
I'm sorry.
If I'm the one behind your tears,
I'm sorry.
If I'm the one who makes you lose your spirit,
I'm sorry.
If you hate me so much for loving you,
I'm sorry.
If it's true that loving you is a mistake,
I'm sorry.
If falling for you is a crime,
I'm sorry.
If saying you're the one is wrong,
I'm sorry.
If being exist in your life makes you hate me,
I'm sorry.
Most of all, I'm sorry for being such a shit in your life. I know how much you're trying not to meet me. How much you ignore me, how much you hate me for loving you too much.
But, do you know how much it hurts?
I mean,
When you have a crush on her,
I stay.
When you're in a relationship with her,
I stay,
When you broke up with her,
I stay,
When right now you're in love with another girl,
I still stay.
When I'm trying my hardest to forget our old memories,
you came unexpectedly and added the new one.
Then, you left me like I'm just a trash. Although I have no idea about the girl you love, I bet she's beautiful.

You don't know how much it hurts to forget you.