Another Step, Another Lesson

So..
Or should I say my greeting first? Hello, then.

I am actually more than blessed to complaint. I sleep under roof, as there are a bunch of people out there who are struggling just to find a place to sleep. I eat two or three times a day while there are so many people out there who are dying just to eat one spoon of rice. However, let me pour my feelings into writings, since I can't talk about them to anyone nor do I have the desire to even if I can.

I have to admit, I am not fine. It's funny how I still smile, though. Thanks to the ability I have for keeping what I feel to myself, even though there are times I am being suffocated by them.
I am pretty confused of how I really feel as well. Sometimes I feel like I'm a useless person and I feel unwanted and I feel I am a burden to everyone around me. I feel like I'm never good enough. As a person, as a daughter, as a friend, as a student, or whatever you call it. Oh no, by writing this, I don't need your pity AT ALL. I don't have any intention, other than to let this out. Just so you all know.

I realize people don't care, they are curious. It hurts more to know that they can hear me, but they can't understand. I often think that it's just a dream, but if it were, it won't hurt this much. I need a friend rely on, ears to hear, and body to hug. I feel so lonely. Very lonely. Even when I'm surrounded by a million of people, I still feel lonely. That's why I prefer to sit in front of screen and write, rather than gathering with so many two-faced individuals out there and let them know my problems. No, thank you.

Everyday is just another painful day to me. Waking up to another day sometimes hurts me, because staying strong is sometimes too painful. I am surrounded by so many amazing people actually, they laugh, they yell, they scream, they tell a story, and so on and on so on. However what hurts me is why can't I be like them. Why can't I get out what suffocates me, why can't tell I feel. So I just sit there in the corner of the room and trying to figure things out, while counting on my only-self. Only me.

But just like what I said in the beginning. I am more than blessed to complaint. I have to take this as a trial in order to become strong. You have at least to fall in order to get up. So, God.. I am grateful :)