Everything Has Changed

I've always been able to say no, I don't care. I've always been able to say yes, I don't need him. What seems strange now is everything turns into something different. I'm not brave anymore to walk in front of you nor to look at you. I'm not as brave as I was to talk to you. Everything is completely different from the first time I knew you. The first time I knew you, we talked like we're friends and laughed at each other. Lately, you're not the same person as you were anymore. All of a sudden, you distance yourself from me, you act like you don't know me, you ignore me and you avoid me. That feeling is just like a wound which is sprinkled by salt. I feel like I can't stand this anymore. I really want the old you back. I really want the old us back. I want you to stop avoiding me and talk to me like usual.

The more I'm trying not to look at you when you're there, the more I feel something is pulling my eyes to look at you but I'm not as brave as I was anymore. I can't do it right now. I wanna smash this feeling. I don't want to feel this any longer. Moreover, the fact is you hate me so much. No, baby. You don't need to be worry. I knew it already, a really long time ago before you describe it into words. I know who myself is in front of you. I am nothing. I'm such the dust in a large vast dessert. I've figured it out too.
 
I still have feelings for you. I still love you. I still need you in my life. I do still want you. I still want to see forever with you, but all I know is; forever is just a lie because the old you doesn't exist anymore. He's only a memory to me. What I'm trying to tell you is; if you hate me so much for loving you, I'm sorry for loving you too much with all my heart.


p.s : I'm sorry that I keep acting like I don't know how much you hate me.